


Waltz of Memories

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Liam You Break My Heart Every Episode I Swear, Spoilers for Campaign 2 Episode 24, Waltzing, autistic caleb, backstory speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: “Astrid, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” Caleb asked with a smile and a bow that was mostly for show, in case anyone was paying attention. The desperate look he gave to Astrid wasn’t feigned though. Caleb had times when he could bear the touch of strangers with a smile, but he had well surpassed his comfort levels for the evening.“Why Caleb, I would be delighted,” Astrid replied, blue eyes full of understanding, and let him lead her out onto the floor.





	Waltz of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> You know how it goes, folks. I had feelings, y'all have to feel feelings too.

Young Caleb, with his hands covered in dirt from his parent’s farm, and his head full of stories had never dreamt that he would one day be attending a gathering in which royalty would be in attendance, that fantasy beyond the scope of his imagination. For all the magic in him, he had been, at heart, a practical child. But now there he was, standing in a grand ballroom in the _palace_ , and all he wanted to do was go back to the cottage he shared with Astrid and Eodwulf and Trent.

Officially, Caleb and his companions had been volunteered by Trent to be part of the entertainment at this gathering, a show of magic to awe the king’s guests. Unofficially, the trio knew that not only was this a test for them, but it was also a progress report of sorts for the king, part of Trent’s plan to acquire more “special” students.

“You three are only the first,” Trent had told them. “My golden children.” Trent had put his hands on Caleb’s shoulders. “And you will lead them, my brightest star.”

Their part of the evening had gone splendidly, even though Caleb had been a bundle of nerves before and after. He had spent the evening smiling, shaking hands and carefully making eye contact with every person he had spoken to, and had been rewarded for this behavior with a nod from Trent and the smallest of smiles. That had pleased Caleb greatly, but he dearly wished he could sneak off for an hour or two, away from all those unfamiliar people and the light shining from the candles and everburning torches. He was exhausted, though he knew better than to show it, and his stomach had been unsettled from the rich food that had been served earlier. He put his hands behind his back and stroked the velvet cuff of his sleeve with his thumb, the texture comforting.

The musicians, finally settled, started to play, and Caleb recognized the familiar strains of a waltz immediately. He glanced over at Eodwulf with a smile, taking a half step in his direction, but Trent was whispering in Eodwulf’s ear and when he was finished, Eodwulf shot Caleb an apologetic glance before introducing himself to a nobleman’s daughter, a girl who had been eying him all night, and asking her to dance.

Caleb knew it didn’t mean anything, logically. When Trent told you to do something, you did it, it was as simple as that. Still, Caleb couldn’t help but feel tears prick at the corner of his eyes, just another small thing on top of all the other small things that threatened to overwhelm him. He concentrated on the smooth fabric underneath his thumb to help soothe the hurt.

Caleb felt more than heard Trent step behind them. Trent was as silent as a shadow when he wanted to be; Caleb wasn’t sure if there was magic involved or not.

“Stop fidgeting,” Trent whispered, and Caleb stilled his hand immediately. “The two of you may dance with whomever you wish, but you _will_ dance.”

Caleb nodded and saw Astrid out of the corner of his eye nod as well as Trent stepped away from the pair and made his way over to where the king was sitting.

“Astrid, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” Caleb asked with a smile and a bow that was mostly for show, in case anyone was paying attention. The desperate look he gave to Astrid wasn’t feigned though. Caleb had times when he could bear the touch of strangers with a smile, but he had well surpassed his comfort levels for the evening.

“Why Caleb, I would be delighted,” Astrid replied, blue eyes full of understanding, and let him lead her out onto the floor.

Caleb enjoyed dancing, enjoyed anything with a beat and a rhythm, and the movements of the waltz had been easy for him to memorize. He held Astrid lightly, and together they glided and spun.

“Are you all right?” Astrid whispered. “You look a little bit overwhelmed.”

“Is it obvious?” Caleb whispered back, and was relieved when Astrid shook her head no, candlelight shining warmly on her elaborate braids.

“It is to me, and Eodwulf of course, because we know you well, but no, it is not obvious.”

“It’s the… the light, the noise, the people. Everything is a bit much,” Caleb admitted, knowing Astrid would understand. “AllI want is to be somewhere quiet and dark.”

“I could tell Trent that you are having one of your headaches,” Astrid said. “He would believe me. He always does.”

That was true. Caleb could lie smoothly and well when it came to other people, but Trent could easily see through even the smallest half truth Caleb presented him with, but Trent’s ability did not seem to stretch to Astrid. However…

“He will be…. displeased with the both of us if you interrupt his audience with the king,” Caleb said softly. “You for the interruption and me for being the reason for the interruption.”

They both shared a long look, the silence stretching as Caleb counted out the steps in his head so he did not think about what Trent was like when he was displeased. _One two three, one two three, one—_ Then, as always happened when Caleb concentrated too hard on his feet instead of just letting the memory of the steps move them, he stumbled, falling out of step.

Astrid smiled, not unkindly, sympathy in her eyes, the tension between them broken. “Maybe I should lead,” she said, and Caleb found himself smiling, a genuine smile and not the false one that he could take on and off like a mask.

“You were always a better dancer than me, Astrid.”

******

“Astrid?”

Caleb blinked, trying to focus on the person in front of him. Their eyes were blue, yes, but so was their skin. This wasn’t Astrid, this was—

Caleb broke away, staggering backwards. “I’m sorry. I—I’m sorry,” he stammered as Jester stared at him. She looked sad. Why did she look so sad? Did she care about him? Why? How could she? He turned and stumbled toward the door of the tavern, his stomach lurching. He would have been sick again if he hadn’t been already. He just needed to lie down for awhile, in the gutter, where he belonged.

A strong hand gripped the back of his coat and pulled him towards the stairs. “Oh no you don’t,” Jester said. “You’re going to bed.”

Caleb knew better than to try and fight Jester, she was much stronger than him. Alcohol dulled his memory, blurred time in a way that he wished he could do on purpose, and then he was in bed, and Jester was tucking him in. He thought maybe he had been singing. He had always liked singing.

“I’m sure Astrid loves you very much,” Caleb heard Jester say, and then he was in the dark, alone, the sounds of partying muffled somewhat by the floor and the walls. Even lying down, Caleb still felt like he was moving, still dancing to music that echoed down the corridors of memory.

“One two three, one two three, one two three,” Caleb whispered softly in the dark, counting out the beats of the dance until he finally fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if y'all want to stop by and say hi!


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